Now, before anyone get too excited and started jumping up and down in joy. Nope I’m not pregnant. Just want to share some funny/weird moments that happened after I become a MRS.
The one and only hot question 101, mother of all questions for newlyweds is this, “when are you going to have a baby?”. I have heard questions like ‘got boyfriend?” “when are you getting married?” etc, but I was not prepared for this question. Don’t get me wrong, I understand people who asked this question are out of concern and good will. But after being asked a hundred times, one might get a bit paranoid. Isn’t that quite a private question to be asked by every tom, dick and harry?? I mean at least get to know me a little before you ask me this question! You would be amazed of the people who have asked me the baby question. Even someone I don’t know that well did. Why is everybody getting more excited than me? The baby will come when the time is right, we are not in any hurry.
Now I really can empathize with those who’ve been asked similar questions. Especially my aunt P who’s in her late 30’s and single. She gets the whole ‘question and frown’ treatment from my relatives whenever we have a family gathering. I am glad she can see the funny side of it. (Well, I guess she has to. After receiving the same treatment for so many years, one has to humour herself or go totally crazy.)
I thought I was the only one being bombarded left right and center, but little did I know my dad had it worst. During his visit on November 2006, I was complaining to him that I was so sick and tired of answering the same question over and over. In his usual calm self, my dad answered,
“Really? Then I guess you wouldn’t want to be in my shoes right now. Ever since you got married, everyone I know kept asking me whether I have been promoted to datukship (grandpa in Malay). And before I came down to visit you, the frequency doubled and some of them just presumed you have given birth and almost started to congratulate me.’
Come to think of it, the other day one of my friends told me during their recent gathering that one of my old college mates announced to them that I have become a mum. MY friend almost fell down from the chair laughing. Now don’t you just love the power of presumption?!
While I’m on the subject, apparently my dad had it a lot worse back then. After my mum gave birth to me, they had problem conceiving another child. My mum had miscarriage twice and they tried everything there were but to no avail. That was not the hardest part though, it was the harsh questions people threw at them without thinking. There would be questions and comments like ‘only one daughter ah? Why don’t have more?’ ‘Why no more children?’ “One not enough, should have more!’ etc. I just wonder, what answer did these people expect? If it were my parents’ decision to have only one child, then they should have respected that. And if it was because they had problem conceiving, why did they dwell on that and cause them so much grief and pressure?! I mean, be a little more considerate!
Anyway, my friends and family, for now, please restrain yourself from this question. We’ll let you know when the good news arrives. Please try to curb your enthusiasm, ok?!
p/s: Now please don’t jump the gun and think I’m offended. I’m just airing my frustration as I have just been asked 5 times in two days.
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:53 pm
CC,
I can really relate to how you and your dad feel as I went through it all and am still going through it at this age when I could be addressed as a grandma in ancient days! When you’re single, they’ll bombard you with questions as to when you’re getting married. They’ll even say that if you can’t get one, they can fix you up with one. Then after marriage, you’ll be asked when you’re going to start a family. They’ll advise you that one shouldn’t wait too long to have a child as we become infertile as we age – advice from relatives cum ‘doctors’! Or they’ll just jump to conclusion that you’re indeed infertile oledi! Then after you after 1 child, they’ll ask when’s no. 2 coming. Then should you proceed to having no. 2, they’ll ask when’s no. 3 is coming or they’ll just say that 2 is not enough. Aiyo I tell you ah, the line of questioning is endless and more so during family gatherings! During that time hor, must put on artificial smile on our face and go about nodding in agreement with them lah. If you open your mouth to say something only ah … wow, world war 4 begins!! hahahaha
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February 3rd, 2007 at 2:07 pm
ilene
Exactly! The problem is, that’s human nature, very eager to ‘kepoh’ and like to meddle in other peoples’ business.
I really hate it when those ‘older’ ranking relatives start to ramble on and tell me how I should lead my life. Like you said, at those occasions, I just have to put on a fake smile and pretend to be listening. Or else…
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February 3rd, 2007 at 2:25 pm
All the best
Good entry! I should make my relatives read it!
I guess everybody in the family will have to bear the brunt of nosy questioning. Surprisingly enough, my sister claims that I get it a lot, whereas the aunties leave her alone, probably because of her cool demeanour.
I’m waiting for her to eat her words, bwaahahaha.
Cheers!
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February 4th, 2007 at 2:40 am
cc,
I had the same frustration after having one child and suffering so many sickness. This friend of mine who lives here and knows me well, keep asking me cos she has two boys and accidentally got a girl at 43. So I asked her to go and ask another friend of me why that friend also had only one kid. She never asked me now.
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February 4th, 2007 at 3:08 am
Oops, cc, close one eye at my grammatical mistakes ok? I was doing something while typing this. Anyway, the matter doesn’t rest even after one gets a kid.
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February 4th, 2007 at 4:04 am
cc,
I think that’s what we called “keh poh”. I don’t know why but I find that Chinese tends to ask those questions more. Even my parents who have only two children (me and my sister), they still bombarded with those questions i.e. “Only 2 ah? Where got enough? or “How come don’t wanna have more?”. My dad often shoot back with this answer, “Two already not enough money to support loh”. And sometimes my dad will joke with us, “You three animals (my mum is included and animals is because in chinese calendar, we have those animals) so hard to take care of”. haha! It’s not so easy to give birth and take care of a life. Someone just not understand and keep on asking those questions which sometimes make people get frustrated.
Anyway, don’t just think too much of those questions people kept asking. For me, I’ll just smile back to those who ask me unwanted questions. Not that I don’t wanna answer, I just don’t feel like answer.
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February 4th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Applegal
Hello! Thanks for dropping by!
Is your sister younger than you? If she is, then she’ll be the target when they get ‘bored’ of you! Ha.
wonda
I feel your pain. That’s a nice way to tell her off. Sure got the message after that!
Don’t worry about any mistake, not grammar school here!
Kok
You’re the smart one, silence is the best weapon sometimes.
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February 4th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
cc,
you can try that too next time.
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February 4th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
very famous question. Before married “When are you getting married?” After married ” When are u getting pregnant?” After first baby “when are you getting another one?”. Why can’t they stop asking questions?
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February 5th, 2007 at 2:46 am
cc, poor thing hor. My sister went through that as soon as she got married. She got really sick of the question day in, day out.
As for me, I married in Aust, so no relatives of that nature to kacau me. Hahaha.
My parents very good one, none of them ever asked any of their children.
I suppose such is life, sometimes we just have to grit our teeth and bear with it.
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February 5th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Kok
I sure will.
Sasha
Tell me about it. I guess it’s just something we have to put up with.
Dr ve Thru
I am just glad that I don’t meet the relatives often, or I’d go insane. My in-laws haven’t got around to ask this question, but there are already some subtle hints. We just pretend we didn’t hear. Haha…
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February 12th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I can really relate with you post here. Am STILL a victim of these unwarranted privacy invading, heartache pain-in-the-ass questions. I already had a child, now people kept asking when the 2nd one is in tow. Sigh… I really do not know. I really really wanted another one – especially a baby girl but, I had a health condition which prevented my dream from realising… and I don’t feel like blurting this fact out each and everytime these ‘Kepoh’ throws me that question again n again. I hated it! It makes me feel somewhat inadequate as a woman… and also as a wife.
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February 12th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Kleio
I feel for you. Can only try to ignore those comments or tell them off right out. But that’s usually not an option all in the name of ‘family’.
All the very best to you!
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February 17th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Hahah..you wait, CC..when your turn to be aunty aunty..you’ll be asking the young uns..”so….when marry/pregnant/No.2/No.3..etc”.. YOU WAIT!!!! YOUR TIME WILL COME!!
hahah..just kidding. IMHO, I believe this is called small talk when you’re with relos. They have NO idea what you’re doing with your life..what you work as..etc..so instead of the weather, they talk abt this!
Don’t be angry at them la!
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