quaint melody

I read this article from 5Xmom during my daily blog-hopping, which got me into thinking. How many times have we tried to change ourselves to fit in certain stereotypes in society? Well, I did when I was younger. I wish I can say that I didn’t, and that I stayed true to myself at all times, but that would be a lie. I guess most of us do it at some stage in our lives. We try to be what society think we should be, so that others would like us. That brings back memories from my traumatic years in secondary school. Many people have fond memories of their school days, but not me. Of course, there are some good times, but mostly bad. Even thinking about it now makes me nauseous.

I used to be the black sheep amongst the crowd. Being an only child didn’t help as well. People tend to judge you as soon as they know you’re a single child. Words like, spoilt brat, unappreciative and pampered spring straight into their minds, faster than lightning. It’s almost impossible to fight such assumptions once they set in. I had someone told me straight to my face that she had heard of me long before we met while her face snickered. I even had a few teachers who intentionally picked on me (and for that, shame on them!)

Although I did have many acquaintances back then, only few were my true friends. I used to try incredibly hard to mix in, worried about what was deemed ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. The peer pressure I felt then was tremendous. I dreaded going to school every morning, finding every excuse under the sun, even pretended to be sick at times. It was that bad. I lived in the constant fear of being judged by people around me.

Of course, those were the painful adolescent years. Somewhere along the line, I decided not to be swarmed in self-pity. God only helps those who help themselves. I learned not to let insignificant comments affect me. To hell with them, I told myself. And ironically, as time goes by, some of those people came wanting to be my friends again, after they had learnt that I was living overseas and thought I might be of use to them . *shudders*

That’s one of the reason why I started this blog, to re-discover myself, to speak my mind without any worries. and most importantly, to serve as a reminder to be true to myself. And that, would be an never-ending journey.

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