When thank you seems to fall short

Author: cc  |  Category: needful things, special occasion, thoughts in my mind

What if you have someone in your life who will always be there for your?
What if they stick with you even at times you shut them out?
What if they will do anything for you at a drop of a hat?
What if you feel so appreciative that words fail to express the emotions?
What if thank you just seems to be such an empty word?

minion vs the giant

Ecstaticism came in a form of a cool black casing mechanism that is Nikon D80 this winter. An early birthday gift from my loved ones. Happy is not enough to describe the waves of emotions I’m feeling right now. Thank you so much! I am truly overwhelmed.

I’ve been using the good old Sony Cybershot T30 for quite a while. While it is a good little point-and-shoot camera, it is just not able to take those money shots. I’ll make sure to deliver some great photos and try to make full use of my new gadget from now on! The party is on! :D

Changes

Author: cc  |  Category: friends, thoughts in my mind

Changes . Autumn . Auckland . 2007

Read an article the other day that left me pondering, have you ever had anyone told you that you’ve changed? I did recently, by a friend whom I used to be closed to. She told me that I’ve changed. She wanted to believe I have, saying that it’s the cause of us drifting apart. But I’ve always been me all these while, only we don’t speak the same language anymore. The truth is I’ve stopped sharing with her. What has changed is in fact our friendship, not me. I’m merely showing a different side of me. It has always been there, though she had never noticed. What bound us together is our past, the memories. I’m still content, though we’re on two different paths. The memories we have is enough to last me a lifetime.

As time goes by, we have to accept that people come and go, some are here to stay, and some only make brief stops, nonetheless, all leave behind memories for us to treasure time and again. Just make sure you grasp the moment, that’s all that matters.

A game of hide and seek

Author: cc  |  Category: thoughts in my mind

View from One Tree Hill, Auckland, Nov 2007.

Have you ever played the game of hide and seek when you were little? I remembered that I loved this game as a kid. A group of us would run around looking for places to hide on the count of 10. Though the point of the game is to hide, what gave me the adrenaline rush were the moments my friends found me. It felt good to be remembered and had people looking for you.

I supposed in the vast and seemingly illusory space of worldwide web, people grow accustomed to those who come and go. We seem to know someone online to a certain a level but there’s really no definite realness to hold on to. For the period of time this blog went into idle mood, I rested my mind holding on to this belief. Who in the world would care for the lost of a tiny dot on the supreme map right? Only I was wrong, for that I am truly sorry. Thanks for you who care and came looking. All these while I thought I enjoyed being alone, but your care broke that vicious cycle. It might not seem much but sometimes a little gesture can make all the difference. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I guess such is life, sometimes we fall down, but what matters is to pick up the pieces and move on. There is always tomorrow to look forward to. Thank you for showing me that.

It took a while, but I am back. :)

Those were the days

Author: cc  |  Category: needful things, thoughts in my mind, titbits

Gloomy weather, Auckland.

It’s been raining every day lately, cold and wet winter days, makes me want to snuggle in my warm bed and do nothing all day. I always feel nostalgic in gloomy weather, thinking of the sound of heavy rain drops on the roof when I was a kid. Sweet memories.

In a nostalgic mood lately. I was chatting with Davin (who writes about his new life in Canada, with lots of interesting photos) over MSN and we started talking about our childhood and the things we used to collect in those years. Why someone so young is so nostalgic, I wonder? Maybe he has an old soul? Just joking Davin. (Eh, did I just imply that I’m old? NO! I’m youthful, I’m full of youth!)

Anyway, I digressed. As a young teenager, I used to collect a lot of things. From the usual stamps, first day covers, erasers, stickers to the unusual tissue paper wrapper. Major head-scratching moment on the last one. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s those wrappers from small individual packaged tissue paper packs. Haha, lidat also want to collect. But you’d be amazed the various designs they used to produced back then. Not sure whether they still do, haven’t used those tissue packs for a long time. My collection was up to the hundred mark I think. I collected them from my friends and family, then flatten them in between pages of heavy books. It was quite a ‘in’ thing to do amongst the girls then.

Of course, let’s not forget about the ever-so-popular stamps and first day covers. I spent many years in my childhood collecting them. Well, I’m sure many have. Though towards the end it was not so much of me collecting but my mom. Heh. All these collections are neatly kept in stamp books and first day cover holders, and kept in a big box back at home now. I call it a box of memories. Along with the stamps and first day covers, are books of stickers, diary(heh, girly talks), some souvenirs, yearbooks, old address books, photos, letters and postcards. Every time I go back, I would open the box and look through its contents for hours, reminiscing the old days. Every single item in there represents a feeling, a momentous, a story, a part of me. They remind me the different facets of my life that I’ve been through.

Ever since I come to New Zealand, I’ve been keeping a box too. Inside, there are letters, postcards, dried leaves(yes, I collected those), dairy, photos and more letters. I used to write a lot when I first came here, when I was a lonely student with some language barrier. Not anymore, since I made new friends and abandoned those back home. Haha, joking! Everybody just became lazy and stopped writing eventually. Well, we still do every now and then. Just not the mountainous volume that was back then.

box of memories

I treasure these boxes of memories dearly. For I imagine to pass them to my children one day, maybe many years down the road, when I have become an old lady. To let them know of my days and thoughts. To serve as some sort of memoir, a mark of my existence.

Memories, good and bad, all be treasured, all be buried in the deepest of my heart.

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Yesterday once more

Author: cc  |  Category: photography, thoughts in my mind

Silhouettes in the study . Summer 2007 . by cc

A song has been playing in my mind for days. It is a song that reminds me of my adolescence years. How I wish I could turn back time, back to the time when everything was still simple as black and white. It was a much simpler time, when hardship of the days were homeworks and exams; when serious business meant fueling between friends; when the true ugliness of the world had not been dragged into the picture.

Tapping with the melodies, for a minute I thought I was in those naive years again. But it was just a memory lapse. I’m still here in my living room, listening to the song, over and over again.

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Dark place

Author: cc  |  Category: life's like that, thoughts in my mind

darkness

It’s one of those day. Everything seem to be gloomy and sorrowful. In a dark place, where tears are constantly flowing. Dark clouds are gathering around me. I’m afraid I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Keep telling myself to stay on the bright side, I do. I am hang in there, I really am. Just give me some time. I’ll be ok. I promise.

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Struggle of a restless mind

Author: cc  |  Category: thoughts in my mind

I have a restless mind. There’s always something going on in my mind. Be it random thoughts or important issues. I used to suffer from insomnia and would toss and turn in bed for hours. It took me a long time to train my mind not to be so active at bedtime. I used to lie on bed and thought about the happenings of the day, big and small. From international current events, to trivial things like ‘why did the chicken cross the road‘ (to get to the hen pen). It was a habit I had for as long as I could remember. It’s like a bedtime revision if you will. Sometimes I would lapse into the quaint quaint world of my imagination, or get overwhelmed by the memories from the past. It would be easily a good 2 hours by the time my body finally gave up and forced my mind to shut down.

sleepless

There were countless times when I refused to go to bed even though I was tired. Simply because my mind was still hyperactive. For the longest time, my body suffered from exhaustion. I really envied people like Mr K who seems to have a shut down button in his mind. A press of the button and everything shuts down right away. He can go to sleep in seconds. I kid you not!

There was also a period of time when I suffered from bad dreams. Night after night I would wake up sweating, pondered over the dreadful dreams I had. Really, every single night! It was really that terrible. You’d really have to have experiences like that in order to understand, I guess.

nightmare

Anyway, to end abruptly, I resorted to aroma therapy and it helps a great deal. Though I still have some problems every now and then, it is no longer as bad as before. Lavender oil is my saviour I tell you! Haha. The end. ;P

p/s: Heh, what do you know, I’m up and blogging again! ;)

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Social withdrawal syndrome

Author: cc  |  Category: life's like that, thoughts in my mind

As you can see, I haven’t been posting regularly as usual. I am going through moments of mental shut-down recently. Not feeling like going out or interacting with anyone, basically rejecting any form of social interaction. Just want to shut off of everything and live in my own shut down world. I think I’m going through a heavy case of social withdrawal syndrome right now. Normal self will be up and running in a few days.

Please pardon my craziness, I’ll go and stare at the walls for a little while.

Social withdrawal

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