Quaint Melody

I love to look into a child’s eyes, they tell wonderful stories, a story of innocence, when things are simpler and pure. Here, I leave you with a photo I took a long time ago, with my trusty old Nikon D50 SLR film camera. Happy Weekend!

p/s: Between busy schedules and sleep deprivation, I am officially burned out. Will spend the whole weekend resting. Thanks for those who has tagged me, will do them in a bit. Sorry for the delay ya! Normal posting will resume on Monday. Stay tuned!

photography child

I read this article from 5Xmom during my daily blog-hopping, which got me into thinking. How many times have we tried to change ourselves to fit in certain stereotypes in society? Well, I did when I was younger. I wish I can say that I didn’t, and that I stayed true to myself at all times, but that would be a lie. I guess most of us do it at some stage in our lives. We try to be what society think we should be, so that others would like us. That brings back memories from my traumatic years in secondary school. Many people have fond memories of their school days, but not me. Of course, there are some good times, but mostly bad. Even thinking about it now makes me nauseous.

I used to be the black sheep amongst the crowd. Being an only child didn’t help as well. People tend to judge you as soon as they know you’re a single child. Words like, spoilt brat, unappreciative and pampered spring straight into their minds, faster than lightning. It’s almost impossible to fight such assumptions once they set in. I had someone told me straight to my face that she had heard of me long before we met while her face snickered. I even had a few teachers who intentionally picked on me (and for that, shame on them!)

Although I did have many acquaintances back then, only few were my true friends. I used to try incredibly hard to mix in, worried about what was deemed ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. The peer pressure I felt then was tremendous. I dreaded going to school every morning, finding every excuse under the sun, even pretended to be sick at times. It was that bad. I lived in the constant fear of being judged by people around me.

Of course, those were the painful adolescent years. Somewhere along the line, I decided not to be swarmed in self-pity. God only helps those who help themselves. I learned not to let insignificant comments affect me. To hell with them, I told myself. And ironically, as time goes by, some of those people came wanting to be my friends again, after they had learnt that I was living overseas and thought I might be of use to them . *shudders*

That’s one of the reason why I started this blog, to re-discover myself, to speak my mind without any worries. and most importantly, to serve as a reminder to be true to myself. And that, would be an never-ending journey.

As you all know I am leaving tomorrow night. As the hour draws closer, my heart becomes heavier. I can’t possibly put my feelings into words, but I’ll try. It has been a really long time since I’ve stayed at home for an extended period of time. Ever since I finished high school actually. I went to college in Kuala Lumpur and after that, in New Zealand. I almost can’t believe it’s been 9 years! (Yea yea, that kinda gives away my age, but who cares?! ) 9 long years I’ve been away from home. It’s so good to be home finally and be able to spend some uninterrupted time with my parents, although it is under these circumstances, but still, good times.

After almost 3 months of spending time with my family, it’s so hard to say goodbye once again. Harder than I’d imagined. As the date of departure draws closer, I find myself getting reluctant to part. I can feel the sadness in the air. Every corner I turn, there’s something that reminds me of the good times I’ve had. The familiar scent, the old photos, every turn and corner, even the dying plants in front of the house could trigger a sense of nostalgia.

After so many goodbyes over the years, I have still not gotten used to it. I don’t think there’s any getting use to when it comes to parting with loved ones. There’s a Chinese saying, the toughest thing in life has got to be parting, alive or death. I know I am having a really hard time to part this time, the hardest yet. Please don’t ask me why we choose to be so far away and be apart from our loved ones. Things just work out to be this way, at least for now. We certainly hope to be re-united with our family and never to be parted again in the near future. Wish us luck! For now, I just have to hold back my tears and walk to that departure gate strong and brave.

So goodbye my homeland, my families and my friends, till we see again…

Technorati tags: goodbye

Now, before anyone get too excited and started jumping up and down in joy. Nope I’m not pregnant. Just want to share some funny/weird moments that happened after I become a MRS.

The one and only hot question 101, mother of all questions for newlyweds is this, “when are you going to have a baby?”. I have heard questions like ‘got boyfriend?” “when are you getting married?” etc, but I was not prepared for this question. Don’t get me wrong, I understand people who asked this question are out of concern and good will. But after being asked a hundred times, one might get a bit paranoid. Isn’t that quite a private question to be asked by every tom, dick and harry?? I mean at least get to know me a little before you ask me this question! You would be amazed of the people who have asked me the baby question. Even someone I don’t know that well did. Why is everybody getting more excited than me? The baby will come when the time is right, we are not in any hurry.

Now I really can empathize with those who’ve been asked similar questions. Especially my aunt P who’s in her late 30′s and single. She gets the whole ‘question and frown’ treatment from my relatives whenever we have a family gathering. I am glad she can see the funny side of it. (Well, I guess she has to. After receiving the same treatment for so many years, one has to humour herself or go totally crazy.)

I thought I was the only one being bombarded left right and center, but little did I know my dad had it worst. During his visit on November 2006, I was complaining to him that I was so sick and tired of answering the same question over and over. In his usual calm self, my dad answered,

“Really? Then I guess you wouldn’t want to be in my shoes right now. Ever since you got married, everyone I know kept asking me whether I have been promoted to datukship (grandpa in Malay). And before I came down to visit you, the frequency doubled and some of them just presumed you have given birth and almost started to congratulate me.’

Come to think of it, the other day one of my friends told me during their recent gathering that one of my old college mates announced to them that I have become a mum. MY friend almost fell down from the chair laughing. Now don’t you just love the power of presumption?!

While I’m on the subject, apparently my dad had it a lot worse back then. After my mum gave birth to me, they had problem conceiving another child. My mum had miscarriage twice and they tried everything there were but to no avail. That was not the hardest part though, it was the harsh questions people threw at them without thinking. There would be questions and comments like ‘only one daughter ah? Why don’t have more?’ ‘Why no more children?’ “One not enough, should have more!’ etc. I just wonder, what answer did these people expect? If it were my parents’ decision to have only one child, then they should have respected that. And if it was because they had problem conceiving, why did they dwell on that and cause them so much grief and pressure?! I mean, be a little more considerate!

Anyway, my friends and family, for now, please restrain yourself from this question. We’ll let you know when the good news arrives. Please try to curb your enthusiasm, ok?!

p/s: Now please don’t jump the gun and think I’m offended. I’m just airing my frustration as I have just been asked 5 times in two days.

Friendship is an important part of my life. Being an only child, my life was never dull or lonely because of them. Someone once said to me:

Hold on to your friends whom you made during your school years. They would be the truest and most important friends in your life.

I couldn’t agree more, as I met most of my good friends during the years when I was still a student. Amongst them, my 2 best friends whom I met when I was 13. I thank them for being there for me while I was going through those difficult years. For accepting me for who I was/am, for sharing my ups and downs, and for caring. I thank my lucky stars for having them in my life.

When I made the decision to come to NZ, I vowed to never let the distance come between me and my friends. Besides the 8000km between us, everything seems to be the same in the beginning. Letters exchange were frequent, and calls were made as often as possible. But years down the road, as we ended our days as a student and began another mile stone year of being a working adult, some of us grew apart. Letters became far apart, calls started to die down. And sad to say, friendships withered. But such is the cycle of life. Our friends come and go as we go onto different stages of life. I have to say I always give my best and all as a friend, but any relationship is a two-way road, we need communications from both ways in order to make it work. I just have to accept the fact that sometimes no matter how hard I try, there’re certain things I just have to let it be, I just have to let it go.

And I quote a chapter of Home Improvement:

Wilson: ‘Well sounds to me you’re having a hard time saying goodbye.’
Tim: ‘Why should I say goodbye? He’s been one of my best friends for 15 years.’
Wilson: ‘Well, has he, Tim? Or was he your best friend 15 years ago?’
Wilson: ‘You see Tim, I believe it was St. Paul who said: when i was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.“

I pondered, over and over again.

For my friends who have stayed by my side all these years, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your love and care have been my greatest support, helped me through some difficult time at one point or another, and helped me grow into who I am today. Thanks for being there when I needed you, and constantly reminding me that I am loved. I feel blessed to have you all in my life.

p/s: I’ve thought about writing this post for some time now. I held it off mainly because of worrying the content might caused misunderstanding. But now I decided to go ahead and let out my feelings. After all, this is what I truly feel. I hope no one takes offence, I’m just sharing my thoughts.

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站在喧囂的城市中，感覺寂寞。忽然想起這首歌。

寂寞城市

寂寞城市今晚的夜色很美
美得讓人想遲一點睡
若是夜空少了星星的點綴
月亮會不會纍
這夜色凄凄的美
沒有愛的人容易憔悴
就像霓虹般亮麗的周圍
只是一種寂寞頹廢
城市裡所有寂寞的人類
有幾個和我一樣偷偷的流淚
若是將它一滴一滴積纍
會不會流成一條冰冷的河水
城市裡所有寂寞的人類
有幾個像我一樣厭倦了疲憊
若是真心一顆一顆的摧毀
會不會全世界和我傷悲
整座城市陷入漆黑
孤獨人在尋找自己的定位
偽裝變成了一種防備
防備怕被人看穿心碎

LONELY TOWN

High and lonesome blows the wind
In Lonely Town
Well I can see you come from Lonely Town
by the angle of your eye
As you cast an anxious glance around
for a way to say goodbye
You’re wary of a lovin’ heart
that could rope or tie you down
Cause lovin’ hearts go homeless
on the streets of lonely town

CHORUS:
Where the tears fall on fields of broken dreams
And a love call is never what it seems
And when you’re torn down by a heart that can’t be found
You might be allowed to hang around
Lonely Town
Lonely Town

Well you sparkle like a teardrop
though I’ve never seen you cry
And you break a heart so casually
you never seem to try
Then you lead your walking wounded
on the pathway sloping down
Through the maze of good intentions
to the gates of Lonely Town

REPEAT CHORUS

Where the victors and their victims
lead their symbiotic lives
And jealousy and treachery
parade as man and wife
Where the misbegotten children
stone the hapless circus clown
Who takes their jeers for laughter
on the streets of Lonely Town

Well they scorn you when you get there
and they mock you when you leave
Cause there ain’t no room in Lonely Town
for a soul that still believes
That a heart can feel redemption
that a true love can be found
Lovin’ hearts alone can
break the spell of Lonely Town

REPEAT CHORUS

High and lonesome blows the wind In Lonely Town